Firstly we all know how difficult it is to let the matter rest, To do that the exterior does not concern us, beauty and standards of where we live in the empire of the display time. "If you want to have social status, career success, erotic response, average beautiful(th), learn the secret of beauty ". This message ever get from anywhere.
"The Beauty" this supreme good to be referred to as something that is always up and out of the ordinary and trivial, looks default leave us from the outside.
Us, everyday, common people, if you ask us we can describe our look with a short and merciless "not totally sucks" with not so perfect proportions, with overweight or nonexistent curves, the crooked nose, hair-leek, plump calves, the protruding teeth, short legs, the flabby belly, the marks on the skin and, anyway what defect carries each and everyone.
Actually, all sound so bad, almost like swearing, especially compared with how poetic sounding the "opposite" the, i.e. the expressions that describe the image of an "ideal handsome" Human: the succulent curves, classical nose, silky hair, the cast legs, the brilliant smile, the porcelain skin, etc ...
and yet, the first not describe than normal people, their particularities, those that make the individual look of each and of course, many times, most probably, combined with some of the "ideal" characteristics.
Each person is a unique combination of some very nice and some less of nice items which each and everyone brings out or hides in his own special way: All these together make up the unique beauty and charm.
On such a philosophy based and admittedly groundbreaking ad series cosmetics brand Dove, which dared to use as models of women of many different ages and sizes, with imperfections, "Buns" and wrinkles and a contagious radiation that seemed to say "I'm happy with what I am and am not ashamed to show!»
In online forums and an investigation was taking place in parallel with these ads, the results were sad: a very small percentage -in France features were 1%- of the women (declare that) nice find themselves.
However, the optimistic message that gives the initiative for such ads, even individual, It is that perhaps there is hope to break free from the highly repressive, and deceptive beauty standards displayed everywhere and to move towards a more personal and more variously consideration of. This certainly is not easy.
If you consider well, beauty standards are not just something that a beauty industry (fashionable, cosmetics, drugs etc.) determines from which we passively and unintentionally influenced us but which we ourselves have embraced, assimilate and preserve -paradoxos- despite very often of our own personal happiness (it seem at least to say thousands of women who daily roam unsatisfied and disappointed by their appearance, their bodies, their weight, their age.)
Actually, beauty standards (or rather it is more correct to talk about attractiveness) first tread firmly on the basic instinct that Darwin called sexual selection (sexual selection).
People and animals choose the partner with the best possible genetic material to ensure robust offspring: attractiveness is primarily linked to good physical condition. healthy appearance, good body proportions and facial features, symmetry, cleanliness are some of the coveted signs.
Another interesting aspect of beauty criteria are -also biologically fixed- our tendency to want to emulate and identify with those who are in high position within the social group, in other words those with high social status.
Especially since in today's post-industrial era economic situation and social status are perhaps greater guarantee of prosperity, even good health (better life conditions, easier access to doctors, drugs etc.) from the robust appearance, we can easily imagine the enormous power of the media in shaping the attractiveness standards.
The,what and who often appears on TV, in the press, in advertisements enjoys high social status and thus can potentially be used as a template and create "fashion".
The 28 year old says Claus:
"The television, the magazines, ads make a perfect job to dictate to us what is good and attractive and I personally follow these standards, although I disagree on several. Not for any other reason of course, rather because I am too lazy to look for and to configure something else.
For example attract women with nice firm breasts and is on the verge of anorexia. E, the latter do not like as an idea and I often quarrel with my girlfriends this occasion but I think to the resist needs work I have no appetite to do.
But I think it's a little stuttering mind all. Perhaps they do not have much impact on our lives. I mean, now that I think, I do relationships and I love girls who were far from these standards. They pulled me other things on them, I do not know what .. "
This is a masculine look on the topic.
"It's strange. I can be very forgiving of others and see the beauty of other women without being held to standards. For example, I often see my friends as beautiful. But with myself, it's as if the criteria change, as if I see him in a magnifying and distorting mirror at the same time. I stick to the smallest detail, in imperfection, on the mark, the fat one, the details of the hair. and finally I am rarely satisfied with the image I see. There's always something missing, something is always not as I would like…”
Sissy describes, 32 years, the daily "battle" with the image in the mirror.
This is a battle that is usually fought in the absence of other witnesses. What many women admit is that the standards are ultimately largely self-imposed.
“…to the point where I get angry when my husband tells me he finds me beautiful, while I don't feel that way. It's like he's shattering my ideal, like he's belittling me when he assures me he likes me the way I am, while I want to be somewhat different, better, dot. As if I'm telling him that only this perfect woman is allowed to love.."
Maria is surprised, 36 years with herself.
It seems that standards of beauty and attractiveness gain the power we give them. Beyond the criteria of biologically "correct" choice of partner, they also rely heavily on female narcissism and the pursuit of perfection: "Until I'm perfect I'm worth nothing and I always need something to remind me of my goal".
So why should women stop fighting this battle?;
Why should they "abandon" the standards and seek to be content with what they are, the mediocre and imperfect;
As paradoxical as it sounds, the reasons may be the same as those for which one decides to quit smoking, the alcohol, the drugs!
Because the effort to identify with the standards - when it goes beyond the game "I like to dress up and look nice now and then" and becomes daily anxiety and personal frustration- it gives a momentary pleasure but does not "nourish" substantially.
It calms and soothes for a while but increases the general level of anxiety. It creates a sense of belonging and emotional fulfillment when in reality it simply replaces them.
So if, we decide to accept that Beauty is not one but many and different, we embark on a personal journey of self-discovery. And, the first thing to investigate is the image we have of him.
the critical eye;»,
I identify and what similarities I see;»,
"Which phrases related to my appearance still ring in my ears from long ago;». Challenging norms is also a coming-of-age adventure. We are called to leave behind something painful but familiar and take care of ourselves. Sometimes we need to make excesses that are not always easy.
"Why do I hide my femininity while I feel it and deep down I like it
show;»
“Because I hate my broad shoulders since I'm athletic
woman and I like that;»
Of course it would be simplistic and misleading to present this "exploration" as a spontaneous and immediate change.. Everything else. There are many patterns that we hardly part with and some others not at all and these partings are a matter of a whole life..
By abandoning the idea of the "ideal look" we leave behind something we hated but also loved very much. Nevertheless, this effort is the only way to accept ourselves, to discover its beauty and live more peacefully with it...
Contrary to what,what would anyone think, beauty and how we see it depends, according to new scientific research, to a large extent also from the familiarity we feel.
The more we see a face, so our brain "loves" it, whether it is "objectively" beautiful or not. It seems that the sense of beauty is caused more by the familiar than by the unknown.
So if we have the feeling that he doesn't like us anymore(in) beloved(or) to us, the most likely thing is that the relationship between us has "cooled" and we have become estranged from each other, and not that he suddenly discovered that we have become ugly...
Source : mypsychologist
Diligence : Editorial Team Mykonos Ticker